You're My Second Mama, Aren't You

Being True to Your Heart

// February 10th, 2012 // Adult Adoptees, Attachment, Identity, Post adoption, Relinquishment

Being raped is a secret that many women keep.  No matter how sophisticated we get, or how open our society is, it is difficult for many women not to feel a deep sense of shame.  Children born of rape often carry a burden as well.

Minka Disbrow, who was raped as a young teenager, chose to feel only love for the child she bore and gave up when she was 17.  She wanted to keep the baby, but her family, couldn’t live with the constant reminder of what happened.  She kept a black-and-white photo of the baby bundled in blankets and tucked inside a basket, and hoped that the minister and his wife, who adopted her would treat her well.

She tried to stay in touch with the agency that handled the adoption, but at some point, all communication was cut off.  She went on to have her own life and family, but never forgot the little girl in the basket, she had named Betty Jane.

Betty Jane, renamed Ruth Lee, always knew she was adopted and had a happy childhood.  When she was in her 70s, she started suffering from heart problems and decided to search for er biological parents.  Her son petitioned South Dakota for the adoption records and actually found a handwritten note that Minka had sent the agency, in an attempt to stay connected.

When he typed Minka Disbrow’s name into a web directory he expected to find an obituary, but instead he found his grandmother.  At 96 years old, Minka was reunited with her 77 year old daughter, “Betty Jane” and Betty Jane’s entire family which now included great-grandchildren.

The two women discovered how much alike they were, and they both felt “it was just like we never parted.”  The entire family is now getting ready to celebrate Minka’s 100th birthday!!

What a wonderful reminder that we don’t have to keep secrets or feel shame for things that are beyond our control.  It is so good to simply feel what is in your heart and know that it is right for you.