Many people don’t give as much thought as they should to the importance of these relationships.  As the authors, Adele Faber and  Elaine Mazlish of the book Siblings Without Rivalry, How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too, discovered when they were doing their workshops about parenting —their participants were first and foremost interested in their own sibling relationships, and wanted to talk about these relationships first — before they talked about their children.  If you think about it carefully, your siblings have as much to do with who you are as your parents.

Let me start by telling you why I adopted three children.  I intended, because of my age and my career to only adopt one child.  Then I thought about how incredibly alone that child would be at some point, because our family is small, relatively old, and mostly childless.  All adopted children start out facing the issues of aloneness, so I just could not imagine adopting only one child.

The social worker suggested twins because of Korea’s age limits for adoptions.  It seemed like a really good solution, and the fact that I am also a twin made it better.  As I now read the various stories in my new The Adoption Voices Magazine I have learned how incredibly important it is for many adoptees to see someone they are biologically related to.  Sometimes this happens through a reunion and sometimes when they have their own birth children.

You can imagine, since I’m an identical twin, I have “seen myself,” my whole life, and never thought about how important it was. When I think about my boys adoption experience of having their “other self” right with them at all times, I see that this has made their experiences different than many other adoptees.  It was not at all surprising when they launched themselves out of their cribs, and ended up curled together like puppies, often sleeping on the floor by the heater vent.  They would spend many of their young years doing this.

When we moved to a new home when they were four years old, I was excited to give Brandon, Jaik, and their sister their own rooms.  I thought that they would enjoy the space and the chance to have their own things the way they wanted them.  The boys eventually grew to love this, but the first couple of months, no matter what I said or did, I would find Jaik in Brandon’s room, and they would be sleeping curled up together in some way.

I made a slight fuss about this for a while, until Brandon said, one morning, “He’s my brudder, and he’s staying here.” I really didn’t see any reason to argue with this.  Eventually they began to spend more time in their own rooms which transitioned into sleeping apart.  This is not to say that the boys always got along because they definitely have very different personalities.  I am fortunate that I know a great deal about personality theory because of the work I did as a Human Resources consultant.

The boy’s character differences are best described through this brief story…
Remember the children’s game, Pogs, that was popular in the 1990’s?

I never understood their allure, but my boys loved to collect the pogs.  One day I heard a raging argument centered on their intense game of Pogs.  I ignored it for a while, until it seemed it was never going to end!  I finally went into the next room, sat them down, calmed them down, and said, “Don’t tell me the whole story, just tell me what you each want!” Jaik answered very quickly, “I want the five pogs that I won in the game we just played.” Brandon, I said, “What do you want?” Brandon never did care much for the possessions in his life.  He often was the more sensitive child and the first one to give anything you wanted to you, so I didn’t know what to expect. Brandon said, in a small little voice, “I just want Jaik to give me a hug.”

One hug later, the whole issue was settled, and everyone got what they wanted.  I have learned through my magazine contributors, how important it is when adoptees have siblings, and how important it is when they find siblings they did not know existed.

For a lovely story about a sibling reunion, go to The Adoption Voices Magazine.
Click on the masthead: Connecting Two Worlds, and you will see the power of
sibling relationships — no matter when, or how they begin.

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To see more about Mother’s Day click here:  The Adoption Voices Magazine

Also don’t miss the end of Whitney’s incredible story!

I volunteered in January of 1987 to drive to LAX to babysit the children who were waiting in the airport a few hours before they were re-boarded on planes to continue their journey to the East Coast, to unite with their waiting adoptive parents.  I thought it would be a good way for me to literally experience this process in some way.

The trip turned out to be even more momentous, because I took my mother with me. She died the following March — two months before the boys were even born and seven months before we received our twin boys at LAX.  She enjoyed this experience very much, not knowing she would never meet or know her grandchildren.

When we arrived at the Korean Airlines terminal at LAX, there were eight children that needed babysitting, and happily eight volunteers to do the job.  My mom and I babysat a five-month-old girl who was on her way to Baltimore to join her new parents.  She was a little fussy at first but I had a bottle for her.  When she wasn’t sleeping she was looking up at me with her soulful brown eyes that seemed to ask, “Are you my new mom?”

It took just minutes for me to fall in love with her, and to imagine what my experience would be like in a few months.  It was truly the best thing I could have ever done to get myself ready for this life-changing event.  At that point, I did not know I would be receiving twins, or I might not have been so sanguine.

Three hours later it was time to take my little girl and put her back on the plane.  This is one time when there were more children than escorts, so I had been informed what I needed to do.  With the support of the airline personnel, I walked on the plane, stood in the front of the airline cabin looking at all of the passengers, and said, “This little girl is going to a new home in Baltimore to be with her adoptive parents.  Is there someone who could escort her for the remaining five-hour plane ride?” Of course, the passengers looked at me, like, what in the world is she talking about?

I figured I would get this response, so I said, one more time, “This little girl is from Korea.  She’s going to a new home in Baltimore, to adoptive parents who are eagerly waiting for her.  Could someone hold her and feed her until you land?” Finally, an elderly couple sitting five rows back eagerly waved their hands and said, “We would love to take care of this little girl!”

It was actually somewhat difficult for me to hand her over…and I knew then that when I held my own children it would be the beginning of a lifelong love affair.

www.adoptionvoicesmagazine.com

I have been blogging about past experiences my immediate family and I encountered as we adopted our children from Korea.  Thousands of Korean children have been adopted by U.S. citizens since the 1950s. Now, many of these adopted children are adults and a number of these adults are trying to find their birth families in Korea.

If you have been following Whitney Casey’s story in Adoption Voices Magazine, you will know that she has recently reunited with her entire Korean family.

As she and I were discussing her experiences, she told me something I thought was very touching.  Because so many Korean adoptees are returning to Korea to search for their families, it has piqued the interest of much of the Korean population.  Reality shows are as popular there as they are in the United States!  There are reality shows that deal with the Korean-Americans coming home to search for their birth parents.  Whitney told me that before she returned to meet them, her parents used to watch every one of these shows, hoping against hope…they would find Whitney in this way.

Because I thought this was such an interesting topic, I asked my staff writer, Tony Marino, to research these reality shows.  Here’s what he found.  Please read and enjoy this look into Korean culture.

Jane Ballback

You’re a mother and father desperately seeking the child you relinquished over twenty years ago. Or you’re an adoptee dreaming of a connection with the biological parents you’ve never known.  Naturally, you pin your every hope on an adoption registry… and, of course, television.  That’s right, the tube.

You see, there’s a new kind of reality show lighting up the world.  But don’t look for cops, cars, or creatures.  This show connects the disconnected — primarily adoptees with their birth families.  Think of them as registries taken to the next level.  These selections of powerhouse programs go by such names as “Find My Family” (Australia) and “The Locator” (USA).

Korea, of course, has entered reunion programming in a big way.  One of their headliners is “I Miss That Person” (그사람이 보고싶다.).   An immensely popular weekly show airing on KBS, “I Miss That Person” has been known to reunite family members separated for more than thirty years.

Those seeking a ‘guest spot’ on the show must go through a three-hour interview process.  Candidates who pass this test get to share their life story and a heartfelt plea for a response on live television.  And, as if the experience wasn’t already saturated with emotion, they do it in front of a team of friendly hosts and a live studio audience.  Afterwards, guests can only hope that somehow, some way, family members will hear and respond to their televised message.  If the intended connection is made, a highly-anticipated, emotionally-charged reunion takes place weeks later right there on the show.

Since debuting, “I Miss That Person” has reunited scores of long lost loved ones.  One amazed adoptee connected with her birth mother and hundreds of family members after her cousin and aunt phoned into the show.  Another woman enjoyed a family reunion because her biological mother was glued to the program each Wednesday, hoping to find her.  Particularly moving are the episodes featuring aging mothers embracing middle-aged sons and daughters relinquished three or four decades past.

Those living outside of Korea can watch the show online, provided they have a login and can read Korean — the language of the website.  For people who can wait, “I Miss That Person” is headed for YouTube sometime in the future.

www.adoptionvoicesmagazine.com

Actually, these birth children who become adopted also share this strong emotion of shame.  This makes no sense, since no child asks to be relinquished or adopted, but almost every adopted child thinks that they had something to do with their relinquishment, and this produces the feeling of shame.  Wise adoptive parents know this, and help their child understand that they do not need to own this toxic emotion, as they were completely innocent in their mother’s decision to relinquish.

I became very interested in the concept of shame as it relates to the Korean culture.  If you have been following Whitney’s story In Adoption Voices Magazine, you will see that shame played a part in her story as well.  I asked the magazine’s staff writer, Tony Marino, to research this topic and write about it.  I think you will be fascinated in what he found, and the strong cultural tie that Koreans have to the concept of shame.

Jane Ballback

When it comes to raw power, shame definitely exerts its fair share on the human race.  In Korea, however, this intense feeling is a force to reckon with, permeating every nook and cranny of the nation’s culture.

Korea’s shame syndrome isn’t just an individual phenomenon.  In fact, one of the most powerful shame zones is the heart of society — the family.  The reason is historical.  From the earliest times, family members, particularly males, who failed to fulfill familial expectations, were reason enough for your nearest and dearest to hide in humiliation.  Not only fathers, but grandfathers, kin, and clan.  Shame was heaped upon the failing individuals in mega-doses.  To this day, fear of failure motivates many a Korean to achieve educational excellence and work extraordinarily hard in all endeavors.  But shame also has a less rosy side, prompting families to ostracize and outright reject members who fail to live up to society’s stringent and often archaic codes.

The prevalence of shame in Korea stems from the Confucian concept of Changpi or cultural shame.  The roots of Changpi run so deep in Korea that shame not only is a psychological phenomenon, it’s a key fabric of the country’s national character.  According to Changpi, shame is the foundation of morality.  Western societies, on the other hand, rely on punishment (legal or spiritual) to discourage wrongdoing.  Thus, if a Korean violates a code of etiquette or commits a civic crime, his or her self-imposed punishment is extreme shame — whether or not they’ve been found out.

By the same token, when another person behaves improperly toward a Korean, he or she regards the wrongdoing as a big slap in the face.  Avenging the insult in some fashion is the only way to  save face.  Changpi offers full coverage insurance, meaning it includes not only an individual, but his or her families, clan, religion, and even the entire nation.  Thus if you insult one Korean, you insult them all.

True, Changpi definitely is weaker than it was in days gone by. Nevertheless, the shame syndrome it has spawned still holds sway over virtually every layer of contemporary Korean society, particularly the family unit.

Understanding the far-reaching impact of historical shame
is the key to understanding the culture itself.

Before I give you the logic of it all, let me tell you about a memory I have from childhood.  It so interesting to me…how we remember things that are seemingly unimportant at the time…but later have great meaning.

You will need to be as old as I am to remember a TV show in the 1950s called The Loretta Young Show.  Loretta Young was a movie star in the 1930s and 40s, and moved on to the 50s TV program that aired in the afternoon right after school.  The Loretta Young Show’s trademark was the dramatic entrance Miss Young made at the beginning of each episode.  My sister, Jan, and I would run home in the afternoons to watch it.  I’ll never forget the incredibly beautiful clothes she wore as she glided down the stairs and introduced the program.

I have no memory of what the program was about, except for one episode.  In the early 1950s America was involved in the “forgotten war” in Korea.  In the aftermath of the war, as in all wars, there were unwanted children born of Korean women and the foreign soldiers — mostly American — as well as full blooded Korean children orphaned by the war.

Loretta featured some of the children on this particular episode, and talked about the thousands of children who were left without families and without homes.  I was only eight years old at that time, and still have a very clear memory of that one television episode.

When Steve and I decided to adopt, there were two distinct possibilities.  They were domestic adoption — a process of finding a local birth mother willing to relinquish her child, and international adoption — a process of using an agency to facilitate the process with an international host country.  25 years ago, if you used the right agency, it was easy to adopt from Korea and other countries.  We chose to pursue an international adoption.

A good friend of ours had researched the agencies and introduced us to the Holt Children’s Services, one of the oldest and most respected agencies in the world.  Remember the Tom Cruise movie, Jerry Maguire, when Renée Zellweger says “Tom, you had me at hello?“  The Holt agency captured my heart, in one simple sentence that embodied their mission, “Every child deserves a home.”  I knew I had found the people I wanted to help me.

Meeting with the social worker and filling out the paperwork was fairly easy to do.  Imagining bringing a child over from Korea was harder.  The whole process seemed mystical and magical.  I kept trying to imagine my husband and I driving to LAX and picking up our children, but it was hard to envision this scenario.

The Holt agency had a volunteer program that allowed me to have this experience sooner than the normal waiting period.  I will tell you about my adventures at LAX in an upcoming blog.

If any of my readers remember the Loretta Young show or have had the opportunity to revisit these unique episodes on DVD, would you let me know?  It changed my life…

I look forward to your comments!

In her book Lost and Found, author Betty Jean Lifton describes adoption as “a metaphor for the human condition, sending us forth on that mythic quest that will prove we are bonded to each other and to all the creatures in this world — and in the process, reveal to us who we are.”

And now I’d like to reveal something to all of us…it’s the secret I’ve been telling you about for quite some time.  This week I’m launching a new online magazine called Adoption Voices Magazine.

By pouring my heart and soul into Adoption Voices Magazine, I’ve embarked on my own quest.  And I’m pleased to say that I’ll be accompanied by a group of very special people – you, the loyal readers, and many amazing contributors.  It will be a fascinating journey across a very familiar landscape.  Yet, the excursion promises to reveal a wealth of secrets and surprises every step of the way.

The name Adoption Voices is more than a whim.  I chose it with much deliberation to reflect the overwhelming number of voices shouting to be heard in our community.  Two very resonant voices I’ve enlisted for our flagship issue are those of long-time friends Sharon Rosza and Kim Brown.  An adoptive mother with abundant experience, Sharon is a world-renowned author and adoption expert.  Kim Brown offers his own brand of expertise, having served as an executive for a number of key international agencies dedicated to saving children worldwide.

To my delight and surprise, an impressive number of contributors actually found me, as though drawn across a dark sea to a beacon of light.  Among these is an adult adoptee who has reunited with a birth family she never knew existed.  You’ll also share in the experiences of a young Hawaiian woman, distinguished as the state’s youngest adoptive mother.  And you’ll hear from the two Emmy-award winning producers of the ‘Orphan Trains’, the moving story of a compassionate 19^th century minister who rescued thousands of orphans from the squalor of New York streets.

While many elements helped to shape Adoption Voices Magazine, the greatest inspiration came many years ago from my adopted son, Brandon.  When Brandon was just four years old, he looked at me from across our lunch table and asked in a sweet, melodic voice: “You’re my second mama, aren’t you?”

I was floored.  From this life-changing moment, I knew that somehow, some way, I would permanently capture the experiences of Brandon and my two other adopted children.  Their stories formed the seeds of this magazine, and I’m grateful to all three for their boundless inspiration.

As I feverishly make final preparations for the maiden voyage of Adoption Voices Magazine, I realize the project has evolved beyond its initial magazine concept.  It is now no less than a complete multimedia showcase.  To be sure, visitors will have the opportunity to read a rich selection of compelling stories.  But they’ll also be treated to a treasure trove of videos, podcasts, live web chats, photographs, artwork, and even slam poetry, all of which open a special doorway to this dynamic world.

Perhaps nobody better captured the controversial issues inherent to adoption than Charles Loring Brace, the minister who organized the Orphan Trains.  As he observed, “when a child of streets stands before you in rags, with a tear-stained face, you cannot easily forget him. And yet you are perplexed what to do. The human soul is difficult to interfere with. You hesitate how far you should go.”

I’m proud to say my husband and I never hesitated to take three beautiful young souls and meld them with ours.  It is this compassionate spirit that imbues Adoption Voices Magazine. Welcome to the Journey!

www.adoptionvoicesmagazine.com

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If you have been following my blog for a while, or since the first of the year, you will know that I have been doing two things.  Writing a series about “secrets” and featuring four guest bloggers.  I have a secret I am unveiling next week, and part of it is the fact that I am very interested in presenting different points of view and experiences about adoption.

The following comment was made in response to Kelsey Stewart’s blog about relinquishing three children and finding a way to make peace with that decision and stay in her children’s life.  You will see that Joy, who posted the comment below, does not share Kelsey’s point of view about relinquishment and adoption.

There will likely be several reactions to her comments — shock, puzzlement, agreement, disagreement, and great empathy for her experience and pain.  All of these points of view will be valid, and will add to the discussion of one of the most complex and dramatic topics of our time — adoption.

I am grateful to Joy for taking time to comment, and for asking me why I don’t include voices like hers.  Voices like Joy’s and her point of view will be front and center of the secret project that I will unveil next week.  I look forward to sharing this secret with you, and inviting all of you on a journey into the world of adoption, full of laughter, joy, pain, anger, and every other possible human emotion.  Adoption is all of those things, and more.

Comment:

Wow, this is so really disgusting. Abandoning children being praised.  I have a different perspective. I am adopted. I am an adoptee who has been very involved in adoptee healing. I have listened to literally thousands of adoptee’s stories to the point I can’t listen to them anymore.  I am saturated with the intense pain that adoptees go through

You don’t listen to us though.  You listen to a woman who is make-believing how the children she ditched feel.  I have no doubt she was happy to ditch her children.  Her ridiculous looks like it was made by a very untalented grade 5 student book tells the story.

But really how dare you, how dare you have your little abandoning/buying babies is such fun story without inviting at least fog-headed adoptee?  Remember it is supposed to be about us? Remember?

I hope your courageous self-righteous happy abandoner realizes at some point the heavy burden she left on her children.  For myself, being a former drug addict, being a former welfare teen-mom, being a victim of sexual assault, being a victim of domestic violence.  That my own mother abandoned me hurts worse than all those things.  Made all those things EASY.  In comparison.

That she wants to promote hurting children because she found it so fun makes me want to puke on her shoes.

So disgusting.  How dare you?

I have “dared” to post Kelsey’s blog because I admire her.  I have also “dared” to post Joy’s comment and bring it to the attention of you, my readers, so that you can see there are many views and voices surrounding the topic of adoption.

Rules? What Rules?

The 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s brought about substantial change and growth in my personal and professional life.  Once again, I broke all the rules.  I now reflect on how bad the repercussions could have been in one instance in particular.  What would have resulted if the parties involved had not agreed on a plan for the very bright, sensitive eight-year old who was part of my case load?  I guess that sometimes being young and gutsy works in your favor.  Perhaps it helps the angels to smile down on the child you’re responsible for.

I had known this child for two years.  Her mother had chosen not to parent her.  Her father had remarried, and unfortunately his new wife also rejected the idea of parenting this little girl.  The father was forced to choose – his new wife and their newborn or this little eight-year old girl, who at that time was in foster care.  Long story short…

1. The girl’s paternal grandparents wanted to adopt her.
2. The foster parents also wanted to adopt the girl after parenting her for almost two years.
3. A prospective adoption family had stepped forward from the community.

The father didn’t want the child placed with his parents.  He preferred they be grandparents to both the eight-year old and his newborn.  Before the father knew it, every party involved had an attorney — the father, the foster parents, prospective adoptive parents, and grandparents. Even the child was assigned an attorney.  And, of course, the agency itself had its own lawyer.

On the week of this girl’s eighth birthday, I took her out for a special day and a great lunch.  During the meal, she looked out across the table and asked me how long it would take for the attorneys to argue everything out.  She was hoping for a permanent home before she turned nine!

Out on a Limb

This is where I broke the rules in a big way.  I called all parties involved and invited them to meet me at the agency that Sunday — without their attorneys.  I wanted to see if we could help this child achieve her wish.  Fortunately, they all agreed.  By meeting each other and talking through the best interests of the child, they came up with a plan that worked well.

Here’s how it turned out…

The grandparents would maintain their existing role, while the foster parents would become an ‘aunt’ and ‘uncle’.  The prospective adoptive parents were thrilled to have the ‘added family’ because their own extended families lived so far away.  They also had no problem with maintaining a relationship with the birth father as well.  So the little girl got her wish and all attorneys were dismissed.

As for myself, I didn’t lose my job.  And I got my first real chance to see how a child can benefit when people who have vested interests in her come together and achieve their common goals through direct communication.  This experience was my introduction to open adoptions.

Path of Discovery

During this same period, I attended my first American Adoption Congress (AAC) Conference in Seattle.  Formed by adoptees and birth parents, this organization started as a very militant group.  Their intention was to provide a voice to individuals who felt disenfranchised by the institution of adoption.  AAC focused on opening records, gaining access to original birth certificates, and developing search and reunion techniques.  They were not welcoming of either adoptive parents or social workers.

Parallel groups had been created earlier to give voice to adoptive parents (the North American Council on Adoptable Children) and to social workers (Child Welfare League of America).  During these years, Concerned United Birth Parents was formed to empower birth parents — primarily birth mothers.  Unfortunately, there was much hostility within the adoption community at this time.  The escalating tension even led to a ‘bidding war’ over who was hurt most by adoption.

I had been invited to the AAC Conference by several friends whose trust I had gained as a parent and a social worker.  They suggested I make myself a quiet presence at the workshops.

I cried for three days!  The raw emotion released at the conference was life-changing for me — as both a parent and a professional.  The experience set my mind on a path of discovery that would change how I approached all future adoptions, my understanding of the children I had chosen to parent, and the life-long impact on all members within the constellation of adoption.

Yes, I was changed forever!

Sharon Roszia

I was 19 and pretty sure I knew it all.  Who doesn’t at that age?  Well okay, I did not know it ALL.

For instance, I had no idea that an antibiotic could alter the effectiveness of birth control — until after it had done so.  Hearing the words “You’re pregnant” certainly changed my life in a way that I could not have imagined.  I never thought I would be a teen pregnancy statistic.  Nor did I ever envision myself a mother before I finished college.  But that is exactly what happened.

Fighting the Good Fight

I chose my daughter’s parents with the help of a family member, and I was thrilled to get to know the family who would raise her as their own.  My home state of Missouri, however, had other plans for my child.  Unfortunately, these plans triggered some intense issues for both me and the family I had chosen.

Despite the state’s attempts to impose its will on my daughter’s future, I fought back to get her where she needed to be.  Once she was born, we all walked on eggshells for several months.  We were waiting for the all-important court date that eventually would stamp the seal of approval on our efforts and finalize the adoption.  Once these goals were achieved, we all disregarded what the law dictated and mutually agreed to continue the adoption journey on “OUR” terms, not the state’s.

My daughter’s adoptive family was more than wonderful.  They truly saw me and my family as extended members of their own family.  Her parents allowed me to see her grow up — whether I did so in person or through pictures.  My daughter always has known she was adopted.  But even more important, she always has known just who I am and my role in her life.

Blessed Again

A year and a half after my daughter’s birth, I was in THE relationship with my soul mate, Bruce. We had been friends for a very long time.  Then somewhere during the summer months, we discovered a friendship just wasn’t enough.  There was an undeniable chemistry between us, and we soon were a couple.  To know you’re in love for the long haul is not only exciting, it’s very comforting.  I knew he was the man with whom I wanted to walk with for the rest of my life.

Then, our world changed overnight.  I had been having problems keeping food down and had begun worrying that I might have a serious stomach problem.  I went to see my doctor, and what started off as a day of worrying about my health turned into a day of shock and disbelief.  I was pregnant again — only this time we were pregnant with twins.

Learning from my past experience, I left Missouri for California.  I had heard that adoption laws in California were a little more lax and also more accepting of what a birth mother wants from the adoption. Fortunately, all that I heard was true.  I soon found a wonderful couple who would become the parents of my twin boys.  They were more than willing to accommodate the needs that I had, regarding future contact and communication.  We spent the remainder of the pregnancy getting to know each other and what their lives would be like once they were parents.  When the boys were born, their adoptive parents were right there to witness their sons come into the world.  This was a luxury that the adoptive parents of my daughter did not experience.  I cannot speak highly enough about all the people who I worked with in California.  I certainly had the feeling that they saw me as a real person, not a statistic.

The Best of Both Worlds

Fast forward 20 years…  I know all of my adopted children, and enjoy relationships with each one.  The relationship with my daughter still remains the closest, so much so that she was in my wedding.  He face beamed as she walked up the aisle just before I did.  I simply cannot describe the pride and appreciation I had on that day!  I chat with the boys, as well.  I’m glad to say we’ve been making up time missed — our relationship did not really begin until they were out of high school.  Fortune has been on my side in adoption, and I consider myself very blessed to have had the compassionate and trusting parents that were steered in my direction.

In addition to all the good fortune with adoption, my life since has been quite prosperous.  I married Bruce.  And we have two amazing boys of our own — both who bring us laughter and joy every single day.  Their love and support is what drove me to write my children’s book, “The Best For You”. The book is intended to help all adopted children understand just how much they are thought of every single day … both near and from afar.

Clearly, open Adoption can work if there is communication and mutual respect.  I am definitely living proof of that.  I now live my life to share my story so that others can better understand what life truly is like for a mother who chose to walk without her children.

Kelsey Stewart